How I missed spending time alone, like really alone. Thirty minutes on a bus ride home, eating a fast-food burger on one hand and holding a phone playing Netflix on the other hand. Within these thirty minutes, I had the luxury I never actually quite had for a very very long time.
First of all, the luxury of traffic. One of the reasons I keep surviving in Manila (a blog I’ll be working on soon) is because I’ve turned delays, no matter how disgusted I am with them, into a cavity of personal time. An hour or two to read in the middle of a bustle. A fitting time to watch a few episodes on a train. A fraction of time scribbling thoughts on a notepad. It was a moment to turn the tables around in my favor.
Second, I have nothing important to do. For a person like I, I like things to keep going. Despite not having a car, I’m able to reach places and reach people I care about despite the long walks, travel costs, and the fact that it’s exhausting. I hate standing idly, especially when the benefits are handed down on a silver platter. I’m not a lazy complainer like some would assume. I keep going even without resources (but not reckless). Yet, perhaps it’s about time to sit and do nothing important.
Third and last, I have a comfortable seat, the air conditioning is cool, and a full McDonald’s meal. Hey, never ignore the smallest benefits. Life could have been harsher.
After the arduous tasks I have successfully overcome in the past months and having to have experienced 30 minutes of alone time on the bus, I asked some strong questions.
“Am I eaten by a life of work and die, are my sacrifices worth it, and will I actually get anywhere in my current struggles?”
The questions nobody knows the answers to.
With the ongoing thirty minutes, it was also the moment to realize such things. And with what’s been going in on in my personal life, I try to account myself to what should be my next moves, especially with the coming 2019. The sad fact is that I have no clue still. There are things I can do but I can’t. This happens to anyone without them knowing. We are capable of doing many things, but there are certain limits that stop us from accomplishing our desires. It’s as simple as Romeo and Juliet wanting to share their affection, but the extreme desires of other parties bound them from doing so. Freedom can be an ironic word. For you think you have found it, there is still a larger force that prevents your journey.
In a journey of flight, I never really saw more than my usual light of day. Even though I could easily fly off to see another sunset, there are ground rules that aren’t mine that tell me I should stay where I am now. Nothing is as more annoying than feeling like a pawn in a chess game.
But what’s my point in all this? What does it have to do with thirty minutes, limits, and future?
Well, I honestly don’t have a proper conclusion. Hell, I don’t even know what I’m about to do in the coming months. But the reality is that, within 30 minutes of a bus ride with nothing important to do, it’s a short moment to reflect on where I am now, and what will I be doing. It’s a short moment to see yourself at another perspective, and simply come up with your ideas to change your surroundings. Within a short moment of relief I have come up with all sorts of these ideas, and I bet it can be the same for everyone.
This could probably be another one of my blogs that have no self-direction. But come to think of it, we need to lose our directions from time to time. Yes. It’s time to go a road less traveled and see a different culture. Most importantly, to find a new direction. My last 5 months had been the most liberating, and it’s maybe about time to figure out how to expand corners I could reach. I hope you all could read between my lines into what I’ve shared in all my experiences. At the end of this, I request you to see behind your own eye’s. Your own journey might just be waiting for you than the other way around.